Asking Out Loud Helps You Figure Out What You Really Want

Have you ever witnessed a two-year-old child have a meltdown for what seems like no reason at all?

Parents of toddlers know that oftentimes the child doesn’t really know what it is that they want.

They can’t articulate their desires enough to avoid the emotional meltdown.

The best way to help a toddler through the cognitive process of asking for help is to get them talking out loud. The process of talking helps them identify the puzzle pieces in their mind and helps them start to put those pieces together.

Soon we realize that she wants her dolly to eat a bowl of pretend mashed potatoes while she rides the unicorn.

Last update on 2025-01-30 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API

Nothing much changes as we develop into adulthood. We sometimes need to process out loud to figure things out. Our mind can work in loops.

We go over and over the things that weigh on us, and sometimes the only way to break the loop is to speak out loud with someone else who can help us process those thoughts.

Asking out loud helps you figure out what you want because there is someone else in the conversation to ask clarifying questions that require you to sort through the issue and get very clear on what you need in the way of help.

Having someone to process with you isn’t the only way to verbally sort through and identify what you really want. You can have a conversation with yourself when no one else is available.

Speaking and processing out loud is no different than practicing a speech or public speaking. The more you hear your own voice, the better you can identify with what is being said.

Things always sound clearer when spoken aloud than when heard in our minds

Try recording yourself and replaying the one-way conversation. These voice notes are a great way to process out loud and be able to go back and review the ideas and details.

This is a perfect way of capturing information when the issue is at the top of mind, whether you are driving, exercising, or otherwise unable to write anything down.

Most smartphones have a voice note app factory-installed.

Sometimes the best way to sort through a problem and ask for help is to process the issue out loud in conversation.

Whether you have the help of a friend, your smartphone or are speaking to no one in particular, the act of speaking out loud helps you figure out what you really want.

From there you can make preparations to get the help you need.

Don’t Expect Others to Read Your Mind

We’ve all been there. We’ve all needed help and wished someone would see our need and feel compelled to fill it.

We do so much for others without asking for anything in return, and with our efforts are validated when we need assistance.

This isn’t practical and is a root cause for many of the issues that come out on a therapist’s couch. To receive help, we need actually to articulate our needs and get specific about it.

We can’t expect anyone to read our minds.

Only a very small segment of the population can be micro-focused enough to see when someone needs help and be able to make things easier without being prompted.

The theory called The Diffusion of Responsibility states that people are less likely to take responsibility and do something if others are present. There is a sense that someone else will surely step in and take the lead.

Without the ask, the need remains unmet.

So, why don’t people ask for help? Reasons like:

• Fear
• Pride
• Being Overwhelmed
• Confusion

The most effective course of action to get support is knowing what you want, being prepared for help, and asking for help.

Last update on 2025-01-30 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API

Know what you want – This seems simple – but is it? You may know you want help cleaning the house, and you likely have a running list of the chores that could be done in your head.

To ask for help, your recruits will need to know which chores need to be covered and what your expectations are for their completion. The more specific you are about what you need, the better.

Be prepared for help – Before you ask, be prepared. Have what you need on hand for the people supporting you. Do you need any physical items to get the help you need?

Will the people supporting you need resources to help out? Know what is needed to get the job done and be ready when it comes.

You may have a running list in your head of what it takes to complete the task, but that info has to be transferred to the people helping you out.

Ask for help – Be direct.

This doesn’t mean being forceful, bossy, or rude. Just be direct. “I need help getting Sarah to school on Tuesday morning, would she be able to catch a ride with you if I have her ready to go at 7:00 am?”

In this scenario, you are stating what you want, specifying that you will have your daughter ready at a very specific time, and being direct about what you need for support. All the bases are covered.

When life feels overwhelming, we may need a hug – and we will certainly need help. Confusing the need for emotional support with material support can be dangerous.

If you need help, understand that people can’t read your mind and will likely be supportive if you know what you need, are prepared for them to help, and you ask them directly for their help.